2,500 Couples Share the Best Marriage Advice They’ve Ever Lived
When I started working on Lazy Marriage, I didn’t expect to end up with the world’s most beautifully simple guide to lasting love.
I just wanted to help couples reconnect without therapy. To make something small and doable for the people who love each other… but don’t know how to feel each other anymore.
Then I got curious.
Here’s what 2,500 of them had to say.
1. Don’t wait until it’s broken to tend to it.
1. Don’t wait until it’s broken to tend to it.
1. Don’t wait until it’s broken to tend to it.
“Water the plant before it wilts. Not after.”
You don’t have to be in crisis to check in, say thank you, or hold hands again. Most couples said they wished they’d paid attention to the small fades before the big ones set in.
2. Choose your marriage. Every. Single. Day.
1. Don’t wait until it’s broken to tend to it.
1. Don’t wait until it’s broken to tend to it.
“You don’t stay married for 30 years. You stay married for one day… 11,000 times.”
That quote showed up in different forms — and it hit every time. Commitment isn’t a one-time vow. It’s a million tiny ones.
3. Keep flirting.
1. Don’t wait until it’s broken to tend to it.
4. Don’t fight to win. Fight to understand.
Married or not, flirting is a love language. That wink across the room, that inside joke, that grab in the hallway — they keep things alive.
“People stop flirting and wonder why the passion died. You don’t have to be sexy. Just be silly.”
4. Don’t fight to win. Fight to understand.
4. Don’t fight to win. Fight to understand.
4. Don’t fight to win. Fight to understand.
The happiest couples don’t avoid conflict. They learn how to do conflict without destroying each other.
One couple wrote:
“You can’t throw knives with your words and expect kisses after.”
Another said:
“We stopped asking ‘who’s right’ and started asking ‘what’s true.’”
Game changer.
5. Touch each other every day.
4. Don’t fight to win. Fight to understand.
5. Touch each other every day.
It wasn’t about sex (though that came up too). It was about hugs. Hand-holding. That subtle arm around the waist. Touch says “I’m still here” — especially on the hard days.
One man wrote, “My wife touches my back in the same spot every morning. It’s how I know we’re still good.”
6. Say thank you — out loud.
4. Don’t fight to win. Fight to understand.
5. Touch each other every day.
Gratitude was the most repeated theme of all.
Not just for the big things, but for the invisible ones.
“Thank you for unloading the dishwasher.”
“Thank you for getting up with the baby.”
“Thank you for staying.”
7. Never stop asking questions.
9. Learn how your partner wants to be loved — not just how you want to give it.
8. Don’t talk when you’re mad. Talk after.
The people who felt most in love still acted curious.
“Ask how their day was. Even if it’s boring. Especially if it’s boring.”
One wife said, “Every year we ask each other: What’s one thing you want more of this year? Emotionally, sexually, spiritually. And then we try.”
8. Don’t talk when you’re mad. Talk after.
9. Learn how your partner wants to be loved — not just how you want to give it.
8. Don’t talk when you’re mad. Talk after.
Emotional time-outs aren’t weak. They’re wise.
One couple said, “We say, ‘This matters, but I need 15.’ That pause saves us.”
9. Learn how your partner wants to be loved — not just how you want to give it.
9. Learn how your partner wants to be loved — not just how you want to give it.
9. Learn how your partner wants to be loved — not just how you want to give it.
Love languages matter. So do listening styles. So does knowing they hate advice and just want a snack.
One woman wrote:
“I kept giving him solutions. He just wanted a hug. Once I learned that, we stopped arguing as much.”
10. Keep one small ritual that belongs only to the two of you.
10. Keep one small ritual that belongs only to the two of you.
9. Learn how your partner wants to be loved — not just how you want to give it.
One couple makes grilled cheese every Thursday night. Another high-fives after loading the dishwasher.
These tiny, shared moments? They matter more than the fancy getaways.
“They’re the thread we keep pulling on when we feel far away,” one couple said.